yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
