Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
