in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
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i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
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Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
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