I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
