as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Buhtt sex?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Randomize
