I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
