FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
