when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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