we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
