Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
She needs sedatives and a leash
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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