I accidentally burped into my bong.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
a search helicopter?!
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
