you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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