Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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