If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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