all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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