She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
