Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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