after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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