i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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