Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
