no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
