i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
