I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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