I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
