I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
