So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
