Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Randomize
