just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
