I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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