i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
This is the high leading the old right now
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Randomize