Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
