Screwed.edu
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
