He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
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We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
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We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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