sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Do vagina's smell?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
