I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
