I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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