I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
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