my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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