I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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