I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
