Plan B is the new Plan A
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
