Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
