What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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