mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
