i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
