the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
