Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
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I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
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Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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