Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Drunk is not a location!
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
