She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
