I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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