Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
