in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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