this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
