would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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