He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
