ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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