Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
