She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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