my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
