Is it because I queefed?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
