Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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