so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
