Who did Billy Mays play for?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
