I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
