all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
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She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
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What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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