so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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