Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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