So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
