Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
smell my finger.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
